Reflection
Sometimes, when I’m very down mentally and trying to get out of a rut, I look back at journal entires, photos, notes to self, or screenshots of meaningful text messages or emails or notes from friends and family to remind myself of my mindset during those times. This always helps me get out of my head and leaves me feeling incredibly grateful and energized with a new perspective.
Yesterday, on my plane ride to Europe, I read the notes from the speech I gave at my fundraiser last fall, which could not be more relevant to how I’ve been feeling the past two weeks.
I wrote that:
“It’s easy to believe in yourself on the good days when everything is going well and the skiing and results and life in general feel easy and natural. But its on the bad days, when everything seems to be going wrong and I’ve lost all hope in myself, when i am most grateful for my community. It’s on these days that I think of all of you, and the kindness and support you have shown me and slowly I start to believe in myself again.”
The past two weeks have been really hard for me mentally. I was so disappointed in myself and discouraged after Lake Louise. I was completely aware of how in my head I was, but I didn’t know what to do to snap out of it, so I reached out for help.
I called a family member or friend daily, sometimes multiple times a day. Deep down I knew these people believed in me, but I needed the reminder. It took a lot of calls but slowly I remembered why I’m ski racing, and slowly I started to get out of my head and believe in myself again. Thank you.
Yesterday, I called my brother Peter on the way to the Denver airport after the SG races in Copper. I had been going non-stop for 11 days and I was almost thankful for the traffic headed to the airport, because it was the first time I was able to reflect for an extended period of time in almost two weeks. I confessed to Peter that the thing I was most disappointed in myself for was how heavily the results in Lake Louise weighed on me. I know how lucky I am to be doing what I’m doing, and it makes me disappointed to see myself so distraught over results. Peter responded with his usual astute and rational wisdom saying that sometimes we have to trick our minds into thinking something is life or death in order to commit the energy and passion we need in order to succeed. He continued that the real skill comes in being able to turn this intensity on and off when needed. This made me feel a lot better, and as I’ve always said: the more I care about something, the harder I work at it, and as a result, the more upset or excited I get about it. But moving forward, I’m going to try to find a better balance of caring deeply about skiing, without letting the results define how I feel about myself.
Update
I’m very proud of myself for being able to rebound directly from Lake Louise to the Copper Nor-Am speed series where I won the two DH’s, one of which was the US National Championship (my first national title!). I also placed 4th and 5th in some very tight SG races (just .15 behind the leader in the first run). The DH results qualified me for the DH World Cup races in St. Moritz (that start in two days), which is where I am headed today! I am still holding out hope to race in the SG at St. Mortiz, as I have been super fast in SG training the past month with the US Team, I’ve had very solid results in St. Moritz in the past, and there is an open US spot in the SG, so I will keep you posted on that race as well (this Sunday!) All races will be streamed on:
https://skiandsnowboard.live/
Photos
ps. I listened to this amazing podcast on the power of journaling over the summer that motivated me to continue to journal daily. The past two weeks have shown me just how important it is to record both the bad days and the good days.
Tricia, you are an amazing woman blessed to have a supportive, loving family! I am amazed by what you do and how you manage your life. I admire your drive and determination. Your bro is right. Focus on the skiing and the times and scores will come. Btw. 2.5 seconds off 1st place is great accomplishment in my book.
Thank you for the updates. Stay strong and focused and all good things will continue
Dawn (Esther's mom)
Great job at Copper. That must have felt great. And the right feedback for this season. And you’re right, it’s important in life to stay positive and not let less than great results define how you think about yourself. A great lesson for all of us. Best wishes for great skiing/racing in St. Moritz.