Last season, I first realized I qualified for the US Team criteria at the end of the World Cup season at the beginning of March, but I was still focused on my end of the season races and there was some confusion around the naming process. I was finally told that I was for sure qualified for the US team in April in Sun Valley. I remember being so relieved and extremely excited that I would be able to continue ski racing. A couple weeks later, I went to Mammoth for my first camp back with the team. There were still lots of details to figure out and since this was just a short US-based spring camp (and I stayed to train more on my own separate from the US Ski Team after), the difference between my situation last season and this season didn’t really sink in.
Then we went to Ushuaia. As I mentioned in my blog before heading to Ushuaia, I was incredibly excited to go skiing and it felt a little bit like getting ready to go on vacation. I now realize I felt this way partly because I didn’t have to do ANY of the planning. Our travels down to Ushuaia were unbelievably smooth and it was so nice to travel without having to worry about all the details and logistics. When we arrived in Ushuaia and started to train, everything continued to be easy, smooth sailing. I simply showed up for the shuttle in the morning and went to training.
It was during these first few days that I started to comprehend how different this season will be and I was overcome with gratitude and happiness. There was so much less stress around everything (logistics, funding, training etc.) and I was able to fully appreciate the moment.
I also felt an immense sense of pride as I was again reminded just how much harder it was for Stef and me last year (as we had to figure out everything ourselves) and what we were able to accomplish. I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging, I know everyone has their own battles to tackle and overcome, many of which are far more significant than what we did last season. But it was quite emotional for me to fully appreciate this new perspective and outlook I had on the opportunities I am now given. l think it’s a good example of how you can never truly appreciate something until you’ve been on the other side or experienced hardship to get it. Or maybe you can?
I called home during our first week in Ushuaia and was reflecting on this with my brother. I questioned if maybe I could have felt this way last year too? After all, I was essentially doing the same thing - traveling the world, trying to get better at skiing and sharing my experiences with others. I think I did do a good job of appreciating the privilege I had to be able to continue ski racing (I actually felt much more like I didn’t deserve to be skiing last year and thus felt like I needed to be extra grateful), but I also constantly felt the pressure of making sure everything was figured out. I think this stress sometimes prevented me from fully relaxing in the time off the hill because I was usually busy making sure our plan was perfect and nothing was falling through the cracks! It’s hard for me to fully relax unless all the details are sorted. But last season that was what needed to happen for us to have a chance at success on the World Cup. But now I have a safety net as our head coach Marjan, who is absolutely amazing and 100% dialed, is thinking constantly about these things as well (as are many others at USSS).
As I progressed through the camp I’m proud that the feeling of gratitude continued. I did however still experience the mental struggles I always feel during summer training of trying to figure out how to progress as fast as possible with the little time on snow (more on this in a future blog). This was a good reminder that even if I have all the support in the world, it’s still up to me to make the changes I need to, put in the work, and ski as fast as possible. And to also remember to constantly challenge myself (within the structure of the team) to question what is going to help me be the fastest. For example: Am I skiing the right amount of days of each discipline? Am I on top of my boots and equipment? Am I holding myself accountable each day on the hill each run? Etc etc. No matter the resources, everyone still needs to put in the work if they want to succeed.
So to tell you the truth, I’m not sure if I could have, or should have, been able to find the peace of mind l felt during this Ushuaia camp last season. I am really proud of the relentless focus and attention to detail last year that got me to where I am today - and I do think I enjoyed the process last year even if it was more stressful (financially, logistically, mentally, etc.), given the circumstances.
I wonder if this whole year will feel like a reward for the hard work I put in last year to earn this opportunity? That’s hard for me to mentally accept because the ‘earning’ is criteria someone else made, and I am just as proud of all the previous seasons when I didn’t ‘earn’ a spot on the National Team. I’m still reflecting on this, but, for now, I will gladly accept that I have way more opportunities and way less stress, and I will keep working towards appreciating that and every step of the process as much as possible. And of course, staying focused on getting as fast as possible - always :)
Photos from our last week in Ushuaia: