A little history and a thank you

I want to take this week’s blog post as an opportunity to say thank you to everyone for the tremendous amount of support I have received over the years.

I have been working hard at fundraising this summer and fall, and have learned a ton, not only about how to fundraise but also about my own reasons for continuing to ski race. This has been imperative, because it is very hard to convince people who don’t know you to support you if you can’t tell them about yourself, your story, and why you’re asking for their money!

I don’t really remember my mindset during my first years of racing, other than being motivated to beat William and be faster than the boys :) I was (am) also a very competitive person and my mom always says that I hated losing the most. My brothers always then proceed to comment on my alleged cheating in board games, but that’s never been proven. In any case, during these years it was a ‘win at all costs’ mindset.

When I was 14, I qualified for U16 Nationals in Park City, Utah and traveled there by myself to compete. I actually naively had no idea there was going to be races, as I thought it was simply a national ‘project’ not a race and didn’t even bring tuning equipment. I was also the only athlete with only one pair of skis in each event. Anyway, I got crushed. I am pretty sure I was close to last in every event and even the free skiing assessment I did terribly in. I remember being slightly embarrassed, very overwhelmed, a little frustrated that I didn’t know it was a race, but mostly I left extremely motivated. That fall I remember seeing photos on Facebook of the girls who had won U16 Nationals and qualified for the National Training Group (NTG), which was essentially a Junior National Team. They were all living together in Park City and trained and raced together all year. Seeing these photos reminded me how much I wanted to be in their shoes and how much harder I was going to have to work to ‘catch up’ to them with my limited snow time in New York.

Thankfully, my Nardin Academy teachers were very accommodating and my homeschool days prepared me to take a lot of time off that winter to train at Holimont most Thursdays and Fridays with Travis Widger and Jeff Walker. Again, I don’t remember much from these days other than being so determined to get faster. I know this made for some frustrating days at Holimont, as I was a perfectionist back then and held myself to an insanely high bar. I’m very grateful for Travis and Jeff’s patience, because I know I wasn’t very good at controlling my emotions back then.

That spring I qualified for U16 Nationals again and returned to Park City much better prepared and determined to show how much I had improved. I remember taking it one run at a time and being kind of shocked to see that I was among the fastest girls. I finished 4th in the GS race overall and had a pretty fast first run of slalom. I remember so clearly my headspace during my second run of slalom in the start gate. “I have trained so hard for this. No one thinks I can do it, but I know I can be fast.”  And then I won the run and got second overall in the slalom and qualified for the NTG the next year. I totally credit this success to my underdog mindset and looking at my perceived weakness (less snow time, no ski academy and untraditional path) not as a disadvantage but as a differentiator that gave me an edge. I had no expectations from anyone, and I was able to simply focus on doing what needed to be done. My rebellious and competitive 16-year-old self also loved to prove people wrong :)

This set me up for the next six years of my skiing career as I slowly but surely progressed up the ranks of the US Ski Team and the North-American Cup circuit, and started racing World Cups. I even qualified and competed in the 2018 Olympics! During these years, the next step was always clear. It made sense to continue racing, and I was given almost all the tools I needed to get there. Of course, there were bumps in the road with little injuries, self-doubt, and disagreements with coaches, but for the most part I was simply focused on getting faster.  

Then after my last year as a Junior (U21) I came to a turning point in my career. This was caused by several different things including the US Ski Team criteria getting much harder to qualify for at this age, big communication issues, my desire to not sacrifice my education for skiing, and my commitment to stick to my values even though it might ruffle some feathers.

When I was cut from the US Ski Team, I didn’t fully understand how much harder it would be to continue to compete at the highest level. Everything from access to equipment, connection to sponsors, resources, training availability was so much harder. It felt (and still sometimes feels) like the odds were stacked against me. But instead of feeling utterly discouraged and giving up, the past two years of racing independently have only solidified my desire to continue to pursue ski racing at the highest level. I remember at the end of my first season racing independently telling my mom “I really want this more than I ever have.” I don’t know why it took racing independently for me to appreciate how much skiing meant to me. Maybe it was because when it would have made sense and been so much easier to step down from the challenge, I couldn’t let myself do that. I realized how much I have given to skiing and how much I have left to give.

I then got to work figuring out how to be competitive while skiing independently. I reached out to so many people for advice and guidance last year as I tried to create a situation where the odds wouldn’t be as stacked against me. During this time, I battled with some situations I perceived as unfair. I temporarily got caught up in the “why are some people (the US Ski Team) trying to prevent me from success” narrative. And while this is a whole other conversation with lots of nuance, I have realized that those narratives aren’t productive. And so, I stopped taking these perceived unfairness’s personally, and instead focused on the people who were extremely generous with their time and knowledge and did want to help me. There are so many kind and giving people out there. From coaches, to whole programs, to the unrelenting support I have received from everyone back home, I realized how much I do have. How many people want to see me succeed, and are so happy to help. This has been unbelievably humbling, and I am so grateful. And what’s more, is that I have realized that this support network, including everyone reading this blog, is my advantage. I don’t think I would have understood this if I was still in my bubble on the US Ski Team. So just like I did when I was 16, I am realizing that my untraditional path is actually an advantage if I allow the underdog mindset to continue to motivate me.

I also want to note that while I am still focused every day on how I can get faster, I have also realized the validity and integrity of the pursuit. I don’t know if I will still be met with an uneven playing field down the road, or what obstacles I will face, or how the season is going to go, but I do know that I have never been more determined and committed than I am now and that I have an unbeatable support system that I could not be more grateful for.

My parents always taught us that “to whom much is given, much is expected.” I know I have been given so much, and I remain committed to paying it forward now and in the future.